Coloured Glasses

Rule 21: When a true lover of God goes into a tavern, the tavern becomes his chamber of prayer, but when a winebibber goes into the same chamber, it becomes his tavern. In everything we do, it is our hearts that make the difference, not our outer appearance. Sufis do not judge other people on how they look or who they are. When a Sufi stares at someone, he keeps both eyes closed and instead opens the third eye – the eye that sees the inner realm.

"You become a child with kids", is what I am told often by my relatives. The tone in which it is delivered clearly suggests that it doesn't mean a positive thing in the dictionary of some of them. I ponder over it and still don't realise the real harm in becoming a child with the children. When we go temple, don't we become a little more pious? Or when we go to office, don't we become a little more business-like? Or when we go to a party, aren't we a bit in a party mood? So, when entering the kids' domain, why can't we be more childlike? I feel that every person you meet can contribute to enriching your life. It is not necessary to act like them but I do it and it gives me pleasure. When I meet children, they enrich my life with laughter and innocence. However, my relatives have a different take on it and they feel that I do not know how to handle kids. I have realised that people judge you with the glasses that they are wearing and there's nothing much one can do about it except to accept it.

As Shamz says, “In everything we do, it is our hearts that make the difference, not our outer appearance.” In this world of artificial flavours and virtual reality, people judge only for what is visible from outside and that also with their own coloured glasses. No wonder most of us are always on the judging mode. "That one is too freaky, look at the tattoos all over his body"; "that one is a corporate shark, always manipulative"; "this girl seems outgoing (read easily available), look how she always wears short dresses" etc. etc. We think, that the coloured glasses that we wear were made in the truth factory and are convinced that the truth is on our side. This gives legs to our opinions and we are willing to defend them till we draw blood.

Judgements happen at two levels. We not only judge others but ourselves too. In fact, our judgements for ourselves are harsher than our judgements for others. I am too fat, lazy, careless etc.; "Oh, stupid me to get into this mess or how can I be such a fool to jump into this project etc.". These are examples of some of our self-talk. Imagine someone else making similar remarks about us. Oh, how much it hurts and how our ego spreads its fanged hood to defend the self. So basically, judgement happens because we have our own feelings of inadequacy, shame, irritation or embarrassment. 

Our ego doesn't let us acknowledge these feelings and hence the reflection of it in others prompts us to give judgement. A really good example of it is how you take compliments. For instance, if someone told you that you are quite a genius, you will take the compliment depending on what you feel about yourself. If you really consider yourself intelligent then you might take it as a compliment. However, if you feel that you are not that bright, then you might take it as sarcasm. This is where judgement starts about the person. You may consider him good or bad as per your own feeling of inadequacy.  

Anytime we are judging we feel that our kind of truth is superior to others. If someone is a freak because of tattoos, it's because we will not tolerate having tattoos on our bodies. If someone is wearing expensive jewellery then the person becomes too flashy because we can't be such a show-off or in other words confident enough to show off the expensive jewellery in such a fashion. This type of judgement clearly shows that we can't tolerate the same kind of behaviour in our own self because we are either inadequate to express our self in a similar manner because of the fear of judgement from others or are intolerant about the other person’s choices.

Can we really be non-judgemental? I don't think that I can stop having opinions (Do you notice how the choice of words changes from judgement to opinion ☺ Can you see how judgement kicks in when talking about myself ☺ ) We keep noticing things and our super-conditioned mind keeps giving opinions. However, becoming more accepting to the other realities and dimensions can be a solution. Another much easier solution is to be neutral. Being neutral can be done through observation of self and inner introspection.

While doing introspection we find out our deep-seated beliefs and biases. These beliefs make us react and be judgemental. Our self-awareness will open the door to acceptance of an alternate reality. In fact, in many cases, self-awareness will make us introspect and question our beliefs. Once we accept the root cause of our judging behaviour we become more understanding of people and things. Understanding and acceptance makes us more compassionate. 

Self-acceptance, Self-love and self-compassion are the starting point to be non-judgmental.  If we accept ourselves the way we are then the feeling of inadequacy, shame, fear of being judged etc leaves us and this brings in self-love and self-compassionate. I used to judge myself as ‘righteous’ and then judge others by this parameter without realising that what I considered righteous was my parameter and did not apply to others. Also, being righteous always kept me within society norms without giving me wings to venture out and explore different facets of life. The day I became aware of and accepted that my perception was biased and I shouldn’t form judgment about people though those colored frames. There was a shift in me. I don’t say that I am non-judgemental but I am definitely more aware of things and think twice before forming or uttering my opinions.

Of late, I have become very regular in my meditation practice. I have realised that loving-kindness meditation that encourages you to be kind to yourself and also to the other people, makes me feel softer and gentler. I can't say that I am not judging people even now, but the intensity of it much lessor. Now, I take every person and situation as a thing which teaches me something positive. I learn and feel blessed and also bless those around me more often than earlier. Transformation......naah..but it certainly is a beginning.

Shamz says, “When a true lover of God goes into a tavern, the tavern becomes his chamber of prayer.”. To me a true lover of God is the one who accepts all creation of God without bias or judgment. True lover of God is the one who has compassion for those he likes and those he dislikes. I strive to be lover of God by being compassionate. Do I succeed? Not always. Introspection continues…..