Compliments!
One of my good friendships started with a compliment given to me in the porch of a hotel where I was waiting for my car. It was an interesting chance encounter which started with a compliment. Although I was really happy to accept the compliment on my really old Saree, it was not till the time I have had another nice chance encounter with a taxi driver in Baku that I actually thought about compliments and how we perceive them at different stages of our lives.
It won't be very clear to readers if I didn't explain about my "encounter" with the taxi driver. A few days back I was walking through the beautiful boulevard of Baku. I was half way through to my hotel and it was already dark. Now I started walking a little fast and reached for the road to get to my hotel. Suddenly a taxi stopped and driver started urging me to avail taxi ride. My hotel was near and I was not interested in taking a taxi so I gestured that I don't want a taxi. To my surprise he kept on insisting and also told me that I shouldn't be afraid and that he shall drop me even if the place is near. Finally I decided to take the taxi. This would have been another taxi ride but for the compliments that taxi driver gave me. Especially when I realised that he came specially to drop me to that side and also refused to take money from me. I was touched by his kindness. It reminded me of my collage time when I used to get many compliments and also acts of kindness from strangers but at that time I never felt so touched. Its as if I felt that it was my right to get those compliments and not that the person who complimented had a good outlook towards me. Youth can be conceited.
As a child we receive compliments as a form of encouragement where we look at them as endorsement to doing something right and getting accepted in adult world. Children take it as a form of encouragement and reassurance from adults. However by the time we are teenagers we accept them as if we deserve them more than anything else. As I said I myself used to take compliments as if I deserved them and not as an act of kindness from someone. In childhood and in teenage the focus is still you and not the giver of the compliment. When we are young adults we think that compliments are a tool that can be used and hence are either skeptical about the genuineness of the compliment or outright reject it by saying something like "not really".
It is only towards maturity (OK, so some people are born mature. I am not one of them) that some of us come to their senses and realise the kindheartedness of the person who is giving a compliment to you. Genuine compliment shows that the person giving a compliment is kindhearted and is looking at the positive in you. In this way, I like the response in some of the cultures. In some central Asian cultures when you compliment someone the reply usually is not a mere "thank you" in acceptance or a "not really" in denial or some such thing but "Thank you. Your eyes (meaning your attitude to look towards the world) are beautiful. Doesn't it tell you the beauty and generosity of human relationships? This way, we not only accept the compliment but also acknowledge it with humility and also appreciate the attitude of the compliment giver.
Giving compliments doesn't come easy to some people. Some of us give compliments only when something or someone really touches us profoundly. Giving an everyday compliment seems such a task and sometimes something like a flattery that we abstain from giving a compliment. However, believe me finding something positive in a person and then genuinely complimenting him/her can be an act of kindness that will be appreciated and will go a long way in building trust. All relationships are build on trust and genuine compliments can be one of the ways to build trust and strengthening relationships. It is the cheapest way to bring warmth to any human relationship. As I am getting older, I have started realising the worth of compliments. It still doesn't come easily to me to give compliments but I try and make it a point to find something positive in a person and compliment him/her. It really helps and makes one more positive towards the world. Try it to see the difference by complimenting at least one person a day. You will enjoy the world much more.
It won't be very clear to readers if I didn't explain about my "encounter" with the taxi driver. A few days back I was walking through the beautiful boulevard of Baku. I was half way through to my hotel and it was already dark. Now I started walking a little fast and reached for the road to get to my hotel. Suddenly a taxi stopped and driver started urging me to avail taxi ride. My hotel was near and I was not interested in taking a taxi so I gestured that I don't want a taxi. To my surprise he kept on insisting and also told me that I shouldn't be afraid and that he shall drop me even if the place is near. Finally I decided to take the taxi. This would have been another taxi ride but for the compliments that taxi driver gave me. Especially when I realised that he came specially to drop me to that side and also refused to take money from me. I was touched by his kindness. It reminded me of my collage time when I used to get many compliments and also acts of kindness from strangers but at that time I never felt so touched. Its as if I felt that it was my right to get those compliments and not that the person who complimented had a good outlook towards me. Youth can be conceited.
As a child we receive compliments as a form of encouragement where we look at them as endorsement to doing something right and getting accepted in adult world. Children take it as a form of encouragement and reassurance from adults. However by the time we are teenagers we accept them as if we deserve them more than anything else. As I said I myself used to take compliments as if I deserved them and not as an act of kindness from someone. In childhood and in teenage the focus is still you and not the giver of the compliment. When we are young adults we think that compliments are a tool that can be used and hence are either skeptical about the genuineness of the compliment or outright reject it by saying something like "not really".
It is only towards maturity (OK, so some people are born mature. I am not one of them) that some of us come to their senses and realise the kindheartedness of the person who is giving a compliment to you. Genuine compliment shows that the person giving a compliment is kindhearted and is looking at the positive in you. In this way, I like the response in some of the cultures. In some central Asian cultures when you compliment someone the reply usually is not a mere "thank you" in acceptance or a "not really" in denial or some such thing but "Thank you. Your eyes (meaning your attitude to look towards the world) are beautiful. Doesn't it tell you the beauty and generosity of human relationships? This way, we not only accept the compliment but also acknowledge it with humility and also appreciate the attitude of the compliment giver.
Giving compliments doesn't come easy to some people. Some of us give compliments only when something or someone really touches us profoundly. Giving an everyday compliment seems such a task and sometimes something like a flattery that we abstain from giving a compliment. However, believe me finding something positive in a person and then genuinely complimenting him/her can be an act of kindness that will be appreciated and will go a long way in building trust. All relationships are build on trust and genuine compliments can be one of the ways to build trust and strengthening relationships. It is the cheapest way to bring warmth to any human relationship. As I am getting older, I have started realising the worth of compliments. It still doesn't come easily to me to give compliments but I try and make it a point to find something positive in a person and compliment him/her. It really helps and makes one more positive towards the world. Try it to see the difference by complimenting at least one person a day. You will enjoy the world much more.
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