Kindness and Strangers
Yesterday went to buy my dinner and while I was waiting for it to be packed was served a fantastic and much needed cup of tea. When I wanted to leave some tip the guys refused and were just happy to make me feel a little more comfortable in a foreign land. Wow, what hospitable attitude! I was thinking what did I do to deserve such kindness. There are many acts of kindness that we can do and probably do in our daily lives which bring happiness and satisfaction to our lives. Like helping old people to cross the road or paying for someone's coffee or education or saying some kind words to make someone feel better.
However, how many times are we kind to our loved ones. Aren't we too pressed for time when it comes to spend time with our loved ones. Isn't it too much of an effort to say some kind words to people who are closest to us. So how is it that we are kind to strangers and not so kind to our near ones? What makes us act with kindness with total strangers and not with our close family members and friends.
Sometimes we consider some of our close ones especially our significant other just an extension of ourselves and don't feel the need to be kind or polite to them. This closeness also brings assumptions. We assume that the other one gets everything that we are talking or doing and hence no politeness or kindness is necessary. Familiarity can make people less courteous and the 'common courtesy' that we reserve for strangers are forgotten when treating the familiar faces.
Another reason could be that we do not have any history with strangers but with loved ones there are layers and layers of various experiences and incidents where things didn't go the way we desired. Friends and families know you so well that if they come too close to the topics where we are not comfortable we snap. One more reason to be less courteous with family members is that one does not feel any need to leave any impressions. We don't really care how shall we be perceived by family members if we behaved in a rude manner as we know for sure that they will love us despite the rude moments.
I always feel that one of the major reason is that we don't have any expectations from strangers. We are kind to strangers as we want to feel good about us and not because we expect anything else in return. However, when it comes to our close ones, we usually have expectations. We expect them to understand us, our situation, our moods, our needs and our positives and our negatives. When they don't either understand or act according to our expectation we get irritated and instead of understanding that they might have the same needs and expectation from us start behaving in a manner which is not entirely kind or polite.
I am guilty of the same crime at home when I snap at my folks for asking me something which I know that they wouldn't understand and yet want to know in detail or when they are trying to push their opinions and beliefs on me. However,I feel guilty each time I do snap at them because I know that they want all the very best for me. I do think that everyone is allowed some off days. We all have our highs and lows and we can't really be picture of perfect manners and generosity all the time but we can always try and be mindful not to loose patience with our loved ones all the time. Another way to be kind can be to love but still be detached i.e. not having any expectation from them. This will make you love and give more and yet not demand anything in return. I know it is easier said than done after all we are only human. We also have need to be understood, acknowledged, loved etc etc. but believe me this will automatically be taken care of once you start behaving in loving and yet not expecting way. So let's be a little more attentive, kind and demonstrative in our acts with our loved ones and feel good about ourselves.
However, how many times are we kind to our loved ones. Aren't we too pressed for time when it comes to spend time with our loved ones. Isn't it too much of an effort to say some kind words to people who are closest to us. So how is it that we are kind to strangers and not so kind to our near ones? What makes us act with kindness with total strangers and not with our close family members and friends.
Sometimes we consider some of our close ones especially our significant other just an extension of ourselves and don't feel the need to be kind or polite to them. This closeness also brings assumptions. We assume that the other one gets everything that we are talking or doing and hence no politeness or kindness is necessary. Familiarity can make people less courteous and the 'common courtesy' that we reserve for strangers are forgotten when treating the familiar faces.
Another reason could be that we do not have any history with strangers but with loved ones there are layers and layers of various experiences and incidents where things didn't go the way we desired. Friends and families know you so well that if they come too close to the topics where we are not comfortable we snap. One more reason to be less courteous with family members is that one does not feel any need to leave any impressions. We don't really care how shall we be perceived by family members if we behaved in a rude manner as we know for sure that they will love us despite the rude moments.
I always feel that one of the major reason is that we don't have any expectations from strangers. We are kind to strangers as we want to feel good about us and not because we expect anything else in return. However, when it comes to our close ones, we usually have expectations. We expect them to understand us, our situation, our moods, our needs and our positives and our negatives. When they don't either understand or act according to our expectation we get irritated and instead of understanding that they might have the same needs and expectation from us start behaving in a manner which is not entirely kind or polite.
I am guilty of the same crime at home when I snap at my folks for asking me something which I know that they wouldn't understand and yet want to know in detail or when they are trying to push their opinions and beliefs on me. However,I feel guilty each time I do snap at them because I know that they want all the very best for me. I do think that everyone is allowed some off days. We all have our highs and lows and we can't really be picture of perfect manners and generosity all the time but we can always try and be mindful not to loose patience with our loved ones all the time. Another way to be kind can be to love but still be detached i.e. not having any expectation from them. This will make you love and give more and yet not demand anything in return. I know it is easier said than done after all we are only human. We also have need to be understood, acknowledged, loved etc etc. but believe me this will automatically be taken care of once you start behaving in loving and yet not expecting way. So let's be a little more attentive, kind and demonstrative in our acts with our loved ones and feel good about ourselves.
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