Gratitude: Antidote of Despair

Rule no.7: Whatever happens in your life, no matter how troubling things might seem, do not enter the neighbourhood of despair. Even when all doors remain closed, God will open up a new path only for you. Be thankful! It is easy to be thankful when all is well. A Sufi is thankful not only for what he has been given but also for all that he has been denied.

There have been times in my life when I felt despair. At one point of time, I was jobless, had a huge loan to repay, got my leg operated and was dreading that limping may become a permanent fixture of my walk. I tried my level best to be in good spirits, to find ways to keep myself engaged and to feel hopeful about future but at one point of time I couldn't keep myself motivated enough to remain happy and felt desperation and dejection. I can say from my own experience that if these emotions set in, the downward spiral is fast and bottomless. Luckily for me, it didn't last for long as I and my family and friends were doing a lot of things that stopped the downward spiral in a very nascent stage. However, I dread to think what could have happen if I had remained in that situation for long.

In everybody's life there are times when a person is faced with adversities, which feel like too big to be resolved, too long to find an end and too difficult to bear. These are the times when we feel lonely, defeated and utterly dejected with life. Our lives seem one big failure and all our efforts seem useless. These are the times when the peril of despair is the strongest. There is a very strong possibility that people feel hopeless and go into despair. Despair is sickness of soul and can leave a person dead even if he is breathing. In Islam and in Christianity despair is akin to a sin. When we are in the state of despair then we are actually committing a sin as we seize to be human. Despair can make us fall into the trap of bad habits and bad decisions. Hopelessness can definitely lead to an outcome that is pretty predictable.

There are numerous examples in our day-to-day life where people lost not because they had no other option but because they lost hope. There are numerous typical examples of that. In 1964 in USA, a man died of hypothermia because he was trapped in a refrigeration truck. What he didn't know was that the refrigeration was switched off in the truck.  Therefore, he was killed because he despaired and not because he was trapped in a truck. Similarly, people who despair are so much in pain, pressure or hopelessness that their perspective narrows down and they do not see the larger picture in anything. For them the tunnel has no end. 

When our lives are not going as per own wishes and we have lost hope that it will ever be better. We lost someone, we lost a job, we lost an opportunity, we lost time and or we simply lost, the feeling to loose can feel like drowning, it’s as if there might not be any hope left. However, when this is the state of our mind we are admitting two things. First and foremost is that whatever we desire for ourselves is the only right thing, denying the existence of a bigger picture. Second is that, we actually stop believing that there is hope and that things can change anytime and anywhere. Both attitudes show that we do not believe. As they say in eastern wisdom, "everything happens for a reason". The reason may be unknown to us but this doesn't mean that life and our situations have no silver lining.  

So when I read this rule of Shamz, it immediately reminded me of my tough time and how easy it was for me to get into despair. I think that the best way to fight despair is with gratitude. Gratitude for what you already have. There are so many things that we can be grateful for. Our problem is that we focus on what we do not have or what we desire instead of appreciating what we have and what we should feel happy about. This reminds me of a recent episode. During one of the training sessions, I told my coach that I would like to feel lucky. He asked me why I think that I am not lucky. I told him that I have never won a lottery and hence I feel that I am not lucky. To this his answer was, “Yes, you are very unlucky. You have not won a lottery, neither have you won cancer.” This statement was enough to shake me and suddenly I felt so grateful and happy to be healthy. Today, I know that life is a gift and being alive is one of the numerous things we can be grateful for.

Before my difficult period, I was always praying for better things in life. I always felt that I needed something or the other which was being denied to me by God or by certain external forces. Being grateful is the biggest gift my difficult times have given me. I didn't know what it meant until my mother pointed it out what all do I have and how fortunate I am. I started focusing on small mercies of God. I was limping but I still had two legs and there was a fair chance that I could walk normally. I was jobless but I had good qualification and experience to make money. I had a very supportive family and my friends were around to cheer me up. This new perspective made me hopeful and filled me up with renewed energy. I started appreciating small things in life and soon my anxiety about future became much less. I also became more positive towards life.

Tough times do not last as long as we tend to think. After all, every night ends with a day. And these adversities teach us something or the other. In my case, they made me realise, the importance of health, importance of appreciating what you have, and importance of faith in the future. I feel that adversities make you to look at the larger picture and teach you to focus on the small things which we generally take for granted. The tough times give you perspective that you never had before. In good times we feel elated because we have big reasons i.e. certain success, some gains, some pleasant changes etc to celebrate. In tough times we start to focus on smaller gifts of life which we took for granted. It can be anything from your health to your friends and relations or even some strangers who are giving you support or some drops of water when you were feelings very thirsty etc etc.  Tough times teach you that nothing lasts forever and hence one should be happy and satisfied with what life has to offer and take it from there. These are the times when 'faith and hope' in the better times to come is extremely important. People who are happy most of the times are not those who have every desired thing on earth for desires have no end. They are the people who have appreciation, satisfaction and gratitude for whatever they have. They are the people who have hope and positivism.

When Shamz says that God will open new paths for you, I totally believe.  I realised that there is always a way, we just need to be stronger and more patient to find it. As they say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.  The tough times have made me stronger and much more grounded than I was few years back. 

I think that you lose the fight not when you are defeated but when you lose the will to fight again or try one more time. Faith and gratitude give you strength to get up and try one more time and then again and then again.....