Your Mirror

Rule 6: Loneliness and solitude are two different things. When you are lonely, it is easy to delude yourself into believing that you are on the right path. Solitude is better for us, as it means being alone without feeling lonely. But eventually it is best to find a person who will be your mirror. Remember only in another person’s heart can you truly see yourself and the presence of God within you.

There was a time when I hated to be alone. To a person who loves to be surrounded by friends, it was as if loneliness was a punishment. Acting as an agony aunt and giving a patient hearing to someone in need which is one part of me that I enjoy. I am such a chatterbox that I always desired company. So, whenever I was alone, I missed company and felt that I was cursed to be lonely. However, slowly I started enjoying my own company. I realised that I enjoyed doing my own things. I love not being answerable to anyone for my own actions. I get time to reflect upon myself and my strength and flaws. Most importantly, I feel very comfortable and peaceful with my own self. That's when I realised that I have found what people call 'solitude'. 

When you are alone and feel sad about it, that’s when you are lonely. Loneliness is a very big problem in the West, it is slowly becoming a problem in eastern cultures as well. In the more individualistic and also more advanced nations, people are lonely not only because of their socio-economic circumstances but also because it is deeply ingrained into them that being alone definitely means that the person is being inadequate in some sense or the other i.e. not amiable enough, not rich enough, not happy enough or not good enough etc etc. The belief that if you are not rich or popular or famous or friendly etc., people would not care enough for you and that you do not have meaningful relationships in life and hence you are not worth anything. Therefore, the feeling of inadequacy creep in and creates fear or distress which in turn makes us dread to be alone. However, once we start enjoying our own company, we realise that there can be nothing more rejuvenating than being in your own company and that is what solitude is all about.

Solitude gives us time to reflect and meditate on our own inner being. There are many ways to enjoy solitude. Sitting in nature and enjoying the elements against your body can be one of the things. One of my friends enjoys his solitude by running and contemplating. My way of enjoying solitude is listening to music and  reading a book. When in solitude one feels relaxed and comfortable. One of my friends says that it can also make you nervous and anxious as we start fearing or reliving some painful memories. My point is that if one doesn’t enjoy being alone, it is not solitude but loneliness. When one is enjoying solitude, the person can be one with himself and his higher being. One can let his thoughts run wild and one can contemplate. In fact sometimes it is also a time to get new insights and new realisations. These new perspectives can make a person to let go of many things which may have clogged the mind and ego because he/she was so busy and never got time to really feel and find a new perspective to the problems, persons and situations. In fact many artists and creative people affirm that their best comes when they are in solitude. Ironically enough solitude even makes you fonder of the person you love. Isn't it:). Besides, all of this, it helps us grow spiritually. Almost all religions encourage being in solitude to grow spiritually. In Hinduism solitude is given huge importance at every stage of life especially at the later age where more of one's time should be utilised in spiritual pursuit so that journey to cross over from this world becomes easier.  

So if solitude is so good for us and if we can be happy in our own company, then why has Shamz advised to find a person who will be ‘your mirror’? The first thought that came to mind was that as human beings we are conditioned to think that we need a companion. Hence, most of our lives, we are desperately looking for someone who can be our companion. However, after talking to many people, I realised that the need to have a companion doesn't only come from the social conditioning but also from various other aspects. Some want to feel secure in the company of a trusted one, others want a mentor or a guide for them to tread the path of life; some want to escape lifelong loneliness; some want to share love; some want to care and some want to be cared for. These are just a few of the reasons why people want a companion in life. A companion can be your partner, wife, friend, guide, relative, soul mate or even just a trusted friend. When Shamz says that ‘it is better to find a companion in life’, it is not because you can't achieve the divine or your higher being without a companion. I think that journey to reach the higher self becomes much easier if you do have someone who shares your vision, who cares for your desires and who can make you a better person by loving, caring, and sharing. This companion can make you feel deeper feelings, makes you love unconditionally, without expectations and can lead your soul to a journey which is a joy in itself. 

When Shamz says, ‘find a person who is your mirror’, it doesn't necessarily mean finding a person who is exactly like you in his thoughts and qualities. Imagine how boring the life would be if your companion always agreed with you, if you never learnt anything from your companion that can enhance you. How enriching would be the relationship? I believe finding a person who is your mirror has two aspects to it. One is that ‘person who can be your mirror’ means that a person who has the basic values and priorities in life like you have. It doesn't mean that a person who has different values can't be your companion. Sometimes, seemingly different values are just the same ones but in different form like water and ice. If you have a person that has similar values like you, he/she will understand you and your outlook better. This relationship can definitely enhance your experiences and helps you to find real you. In fact, sometimes, a person who understands you completely, can tell you something that you would take years to realise on your own. For instance, we may have a self-image of a really chirpy person but suddenly comes this mirror and asks you questions as to what fear is there that you are trying to hide by being so chirpy and talkative. This comes as a jolt but suddenly you realise that it is true. So it is not important to find a person who has same disposition like you but definitely a person who has similar values like you even if his basic nature is quite different from yours.  

Another aspect to finding your companion who is your mirror is to find a person whom you can show all your imperfections and yet feel comfortable with him/her. You have so much of comfort and trust that you can open all of yourself, You have no kinds of veils with this person. You feel so relaxed with the person that seeing or sharing all your good, bad or ugly parts with him/her is something that seems the most natural thing in life. When you see your own image reflected through your companion, you are seeing your true self. However, a true companion not only reflects your image but also gives you enough love and support without judgment to make you feel peace and joy. He or she motivates you to reach for higher goals and to higher energies. This companion is the one who not only completes but also complements. When you find peace and joy, the journey to reach your higher self is much more pleasant and finding God within yourself becomes easy. I think that Shamz has recommended to find a companion despite praising solitude is because it becomes much easier and faster to reach your higher self if you have a companion who is your mirror. The purer the love and trust that you have in the other the cleaner and better the mirror becomes.

I get amazed to see you how much of a mirror my companion is to me. I can't believe how lucky I am to find a mirror and how easy the journey of life has become. After finding my mirror, I find life enjoyable and want to give and share more and more with this world.