First Step

Rule 19: Fret not where the road will take you. Instead concentrate on the first step. That is the hardest part and that is what you are responsible for. Once you take that step let everything will do what it naturally does and the rest will follow. Don’t go with the flow. Be the flow.

In today’s world where everything depends on achieving your goals, this rule seems therefore to be very outdated. Every coach, every self-help book and many personal development classes are about goal-setting and about why these goals are so important in your life so you should always be focused. I also feel that goals are necessary to have a direction in life: they keep you focused and determined to plough through. 

Then why is it that Shamz has said that, “don’t fret where the road will take you”? I feel that he gives a very important message when he says that concentrate on the first step. We can have elaborate goals and we can always preach that focus on the journey and not the destination. However, I know so many people who never take that first step towards their dreams just because they are too lost in calculating how things will turn up in the end. We see it all the time, especially in developing nations like India and China. Kids live their parents’ dream and try to get degrees which will land them into high paying jobs. When they do get those jobs suddenly, it feels that it was not at all what they wanted in life. Also, I have seen many talented people not taking that first step towards another stream or career because it’s too frightening to leave their familiar surroundings. My friend currently is struggling to make a decision to choose something that he loves over something that he has studied and build his career upon. It’s his struggle and I wonder whether he is so determined in order to plough through.

The truth is that life is a never-ending journey. We may have many crossroads and junctions where we would find ourselves wavering or indecisive. We hesitate because we are too focused on the destination and too focused on trading the planned map. There is a Yiddish proverb, “Man plans and God Laughs”. So, too much planning may not be helpful in the long run because the more you plan the more you get stressed if things go a different way. 

Taking the first step towards your dreams is more important than trying to plan and finding out what the entire journey has in store for you. Life is full of surprises and the sooner you start enjoying these surprises the better. As Steven Covey says in his ‘Seven Habits of Effective people’, determine your goals but then forget about them. After you determine what you need, it is important to make efforts and enjoy what comes along.  Focusing too much on the final destination not only takes all the joy that you get from completing the process of achieving it but also makes you rigid. We already know that things do not always go as planned and one has to adjust constantly to new challenges, new plans, new paths and new journeys. 

When Shamz says that everything will fall into place on its own, he is cautioning us not to be obsessed by our goals and mercilessly follow them, compromising many valuable things on the way. He is referring to the energy of your intention: efforts done through your willpower will make the path easier. When we focus too much on the future, the present – the only time we have available with us – seems to slip away. Therefore, focusing on the destination without smelling the flowers on the way, may not be worth all the efforts put in. 

It’s only when you take that one determined step toward the road that everything starts moving in your life. It becomes clear why further in the rule Shamz says that, “don’t go with the flow. Be the flow”.  In psychological terms ‘flow’ is a state of mind in which one looses is so engrossed in the task and is enjoying it so much that he/she loses track of everything around him or her. Best creations of geniuses in any field have come when they were in the flow. You can be the flow by being in the flow. 

Being in the flow only comes when you are (truly) determined to enjoy the journey, when you are putting your intentions and efforts to reach the destination but you are not just clinging to the outcome for being happy and satisfied. This way you are not compromising on your happiness, your relationships, your values and your morals in the hurry to reach certain goals. 

In my opinion everything has to be in balance. Our past is important because our sweet and sour memories, our lessons and our experiences are coming from there. Accepting the past and learning from it can be so beneficial in letting go the bitterness and moving on with peace and joy. Our future is important as that’s where are dreams are. Future is also what is determining the direction of our journey. Future is what is giving us purpose to live. Therefore, it’s our present which determines who we are. To be the flow one needs to feel and enjoy being in the flow and all that it brings along. Being in the now makes you to be in the flow and the entire experience of being in the ‘present’: it makes a person more aware and happier.

I consider myself more of a future-centric person. It’s very difficult to be in the present for me unless I am engaged in some activity. What has helped me in it, is changing my perspective. In most situations, I also try to understand the others’ perspective that helps me in being non-judgemental of things, situation and people. It also helps me in being calmer, less frustrated and less oriented upon a rigid, fixed goal and more accepting of the things which are beyond my control. Another thing that has helped me is stop constant evaluation of my own performance. This makes me less anxious and helps me focus on the task at hand. 

Taking that most difficult first step has also been my problem in the past as it is of my friend who wants to change his career. He wants to be perfect in teaching and healing before changing the course of his life. Both, him and I, forget that Sanskrit saying which says ‘Shubhasya Sheeghram’ meaning: best time to start a good thing is now. Now, after whatever preparation that is necessary I just take a plunge without giving too much thought about what consequences it might bring to me. This way at least I do not regret that I didn’t try. I have started noticing that if you focus or persevere a thing long enough, you will get the desired results. 

Taking the first step is difficult but it is what defines your future and also your present. After a certain point I just take a plunge without thinking too much into the things by focusing one step at a time and not thinking beyond. This focus on a task at hand helps greatly. What is your anchor to enjoy the present so that the first step towards that dream doesn’t look so difficult?