Loving the Imperfections

Rule 15: It’s easy to love a perfect God, unblemished and infallible that He is. What is far more difficult is to love fellow human being with all their imperfections and defects. Remember, one can only know what one is capable of loving. There is no wisdom without love. Unless we learn to love God’s creation, we can neither truly love nor truly know God.

When I read this rule I remembered John Legend’s song ‘All of Me’ where he sings,

“Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections”

Is it so easy to love imperfections of a fellow human being where all of you loves all of the other one? How many of us are capable of this kind of love for our near and dear ones and humanity at large? What is perfect anyway? Is God perfect? Or we make the image of God in such a way that it seems perfect to us? 

It is true that it’s easy to love something or someone that is perfect or in other words conforms to our expectations and has the same kind of value system that we have. The God that we believe is perfect is so,because we want Him to be perfect. We have no way to prove that He isn’t as perfect as we have made him out to be. It feels good to love that one who falls under all our expectations and desires. French philosopher Voltaire once said,‘Perfect is the enemy of good’. How true! The good can only come when we start accepting the flaws and the imperfections. Perfection can never be as interesting as imperfection. It’s the flaws that make you appreciate the beauty more. It’s like understanding and appreciating the light only because you know about and also experience dark. 

When we start accepting another person with imperfections,the true loving starts. Acceptance and understanding are the most powerful forces,which can unite two human beings. Acceptance of imperfections leads you to slowly understand a person better. Loving the imperfections and defects of the fellow human being also means recognising and respecting the differences, valuing the similarities and rejoicing the creation in its entirety rather than certain parts that we feel are perfect. I don’t know how many of us can love the imperfections of their partners,leave aside another fellow being, but I do know that this quality is what distinguishes people from ordinary to great. Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela and many great personalities knew this rule so well.  

It’s true that one can only know what one is capable of loving. If you shun the imperfections, the drawbacks, the negatives, the fears then you will never know the uniqueness behind the imperfections – let alone the struggle behind the drawbacks, the fears behind the negatives, and the values behind the fears. You will not know that ‘whole truth’ which is necessary in order to accept. When one is capable of loving beyond their expectations, and desires,one starts making a true and strong connection. The connection that is not based on needs and is not limited to ‘give and take’ mentality, is the true bond, which lasts a lifetime. This bond is so necessary to know and understand the jigsaw puzzle of the universe and our own part in this vast creation. 

When Shamz says that ‘there is no wisdom without love’he is referring to the fact that love can exist without wisdom but wisdom cannot exist without love.Love can be blind and sometimes exists even when one is harming oneself while loving a fellow human being. Wisdom on the other hand is the light which shows what is the right balance. The balance, where you can respect and sometimes even love the imperfections of the other human being but at the same time are happy and peaceful within your own awareness and consciousness.To be wise is to be kind and compassionate. I feel that wisdom is related to peace and self-awareness. The wiser you are,the more peaceful you feel because then you have the ability to accept the understand others and this brings harmony, peace and beauty in life. 

A few months back one of my really close friends turned mean and ungrateful to me and I felt really hurt because I had only love for her. I was shocked and shattered by her behaviour because although I knew about her manipulative nature, I always felt that if I loved and cared for her she would not harm ‘me’ in anyway. It turned out to be a different case. I felt betrayed and cheated and at that time, I felt that this rule couldn’t be applied in real life. However, over the period of time, I have realised that this incident has made me wiser. Although I am still wary of her and would like to keep my distance from her to protect myself, I will never be able to hate her or harm her because I see the fears and struggles behind those faults of hers. I don’t claim to be a saint and I have no love or even like for her anymore but I definitely have a certain understanding and compassion for her. Does this make me wiser? I have no idea, at least I don’t feel the hurt as much and I am not as enraged by her harmful behaviour as I would have felt a few years earlier in my life. Does this make me happier? Yes, for sure. I feel happy to gain this experience I feel happy to attain patience and forgiveness. I feel that these things have made me live better and in a much peaceful way. 

I always marvel at Shamz’ wisdom. How accurately he has described love for God. If you can’t love God’s creation you can’t love God. This is truly an act of faith and is the first step towards spirituality. It applies to all those people who behave that their religion, their community, their culture or their values and opinions are the only correct measurements in life. If more of us could be tolerant and understanding towards the fellow beings and could take tiny little steps towards being compassionate then we might live in more peaceful societies.