Silence and Love

Rule 5: Most of problems of the world stem from linguistic mistakes and simple misunderstanding. Don’t ever take words at face value. When you step into the zone of love, language, as we know it becomes obsolete. That which cannot be put into words can only be grasped through silence.

As per French born painter, sculptor and writer Marcel Duchamp “As soon as we start putting our thoughts into words and sentences everything gets distorted, language is just no damn good. The question comes up, “is language an adequate mean of communication".

Language as a tool to communicate is insufficient when it comes to expressing intense emotions. It doesn't express how a person feels or sees the world. For eg. one cannot interpret love however hard one tries or one can't explain the feeling of elation one gets from listening to music. The degree of happiness, the depth and the understanding of each person varies and categorising everyone's experience into limited vocabulary would not be fair. Similarly words can't express beauty of a place or person accurately. 

We depend on the imagination of the listeners to convey what we mean. However, what a person wants to convey and what the other person perceives out of it, are two different things. Hence, when famous Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw said that "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place". He was not that far off the mark. They say that 70% of all worlds’ problems from the smallest to the largest are because we don’t communicate properly.  It is very true that language is not understood uniformly. The same words can mean different things in different times, countries and circumstances. For eg. seduction in France (where it is seen as an act of persuading to gain sexual favours) is seen completely differently than seduction in US where it can take a manipulative connotation. Therefore, the very foundation of understanding depends on accurate interpretation of what one wants to say to other. However, does that actually happen? How is it that a professor teaches all students in the class the same thing and yet some understand it perfectly and some struggle to understand?

As Shamz says, "Most of the problems of the world stem from linguistic mistakes". Imagine someone's crazy words can be an expression of love! Would you understand them? Seldom does it happen that we try to ask ourselves what else could it mean? Most times, we jump into conclusions and are ready to smash people for that. We are prisoners of our own cells and our horizon is as big as our cells. Misunderstandings created by words can create distance in relationships. Unless we open our heart and try to get the accurate meaning of the other one, the communication is not complete. 

Often we perceive words at face value. Someone's sugar coated words can be tiny icicles piercing your heart and someone's harsh words can be full of love for you. Do we distinguish between them? Can we read between the lines? Reading between the lines is an art. Not all of us are skilled in it.  I usually take people's words at face value but I have a friend who is ever so attentive. She can always read between the lines even before anybody else has a clue of what's going on. I am sure that she gets her clues not only by deducting of what has been said but what has been left unsaid. She told me that she finds it very interesting to note as to what someone is saying and what someone is hiding just by the choice of words that the person uses.  Therefore, both spoken and unspoken words show the intention of the person. By attentively listening to the speaker one can attempt to read between the lines. In fact one can also read between the lines by intonation of the said words. Intonations and body language can always convey the innuendos mere words do not convey.

Small gestures, like looking away while lying or tapping the fingers while being impatient or seeing the watch while trying to get away from a place or a person are simple give-away gestures to know what is going on in the other’s mind. Simply looking into someone’s eyes while talking, can change entire conversation. People not always tell you what they feel but they do show it. 

To a chatterbox like me silence doesn’t come easy.  I start fidgeting if there is a prolonged silence while I am in some company. However, it is also true that when I am feeling something very profound I become silent. I can’t pretend to be chirpy at those times. These times can be as short as two-three hours and as long as two three days. My silence doesn’t come from feeling of love but an intense need to be alone. Isn’t it intense emotional upheaval inside me which makes me silent? 

Emotions that move us beyond words are understood by others without any need to communicate them verbally. What do you say when feelings don’t fit into words? How do you express what you feel when you are in love? Haven't we experienced those intense moment when all you want to do is look deeply into the eyes of your beloved to convey your love? Don't we express our intense emotions by being physically close to someone we love? Is it a wonder that when we see two people holding hands we know that there is a lot of caring between the two? Is it not true that when we pray fervently we go silent and are trying to feel the presence of God around us?  

As Shamz says zone of love does not require words or language. Love can be expressed in many ways and many forms. Silence is one of them. When we meditate, we go silent. Deepest truth is best understood when we express it with something beyond words. Silence also helps us to get into the zone where we meet the divinity. Similarly, if we love people we should express our love not only with words but with gestures and sometimes even with silences.  Silence can convey different things but it is especially effective to convey our intense emotions such as love, compassion, relief, and happiness.