Love and Expectations
Is it possible to love without expectation? To me it is hard to comprehend. We are raised in such a manner that we can't fathom that it is possible or at least I can't. Each loving relationship that we have seems to be based on the basis of reciprocation. Our parents brought us into this world hoping that we shall give them the sense of happiness and in eastern cultures it may also be an insurance for the old age. Expectations are many different things. We expect all sorts of things in our relationships; security, communication, intimacy, affection, sex, companionship, love, appreciation, boost to our self esteem, money, boundaries, values, goals and many other things. In fact we even have expectation from our own selves. We don't love ourselves without expectation. We don't even accept ourselves the way we are. We have to look a certain way, be a certain way and feel a certain way so that we can love ourselves completely. Isn't it true? So when there is a talk about love without expectation is it possible?
Some people argue that love without expectation is like being trampled all over and not reacting to safeguard oneself. Loving unconditionally looks like the sign of a loser where people take you for granted. In fact many people feel that giving unconditionally means being shortchanged or wronged.
When we come across self less love do we even recognise it? I think that we ignore it most of the time. There are small gestures of kindness people do out of selfless love like giving a genuine smile to someone or helping an old person cross the road or just taking out five minutes for listening to someone's vent. People, all around us, do it all the time but we seldom appreciate or recognise these acts of love.
We do selfless acts of love mostly for people who are strangers to us even for animals for that matter.We know that the acts of kindness and love may never get reciprocated but still we do it because the process itself gives us happiness. However, we almost always have expectations from people close to us. If we took out some time for a friend in need then we want him/her to take out time for us when we need them. We need them to be this or that way just because we love them. We want them to act or behave in certain manner because that's good for them. Expectations out of loved ones can result in disappointments and sometimes in bitterness.
We don't show compassion or kindness to the people who are closest to us. In fact we always have grudges against people who have wronged us and feel that the best way to protect ourselves is to remain angry and not forgive them. Why do we feel that people have wronged us? It is exactly because we have had expectations out of them which they did not fulfill. We don't accept that everyone is different and can't be molded as per our wishes.
So basically happiness lies in the process of loving and not reciprocation. But to love without expectation a person has to be strong and wise enough to know what to accept and what to get away from. I think the process starts with loving and accepting the way we are. There's another thing which I feel grows with loving without expectations and that is detachment. Detachment takes away the need to be accepted or loved and can be a source of real fulfillment and happiness.
I don't think that I have reached that stage where I expect love to be selfless or my love can be without expectation. I still am trying to love my own self without conditions. Boy, that can be hard. But I am getting there. Some days I absolutely love myself and some days I am critical and want to be a certain way and wouldn't think twice before I whip myself for certain things which didn't really fall in the periphery of the net of expectations that I had set for myself. I still have to love myself unconditionally to find out if I can love others unconditionally.
One gentleman recently told me to be moderate in my giving/loving approach. I think that it is right. The best way is to be moderate in everything. However, I have noticed in my own case the more you let go, the more things become better. So basic agenda for me would be to love myself and others unconditionally.
Some people argue that love without expectation is like being trampled all over and not reacting to safeguard oneself. Loving unconditionally looks like the sign of a loser where people take you for granted. In fact many people feel that giving unconditionally means being shortchanged or wronged.
When we come across self less love do we even recognise it? I think that we ignore it most of the time. There are small gestures of kindness people do out of selfless love like giving a genuine smile to someone or helping an old person cross the road or just taking out five minutes for listening to someone's vent. People, all around us, do it all the time but we seldom appreciate or recognise these acts of love.
We do selfless acts of love mostly for people who are strangers to us even for animals for that matter.We know that the acts of kindness and love may never get reciprocated but still we do it because the process itself gives us happiness. However, we almost always have expectations from people close to us. If we took out some time for a friend in need then we want him/her to take out time for us when we need them. We need them to be this or that way just because we love them. We want them to act or behave in certain manner because that's good for them. Expectations out of loved ones can result in disappointments and sometimes in bitterness.
We don't show compassion or kindness to the people who are closest to us. In fact we always have grudges against people who have wronged us and feel that the best way to protect ourselves is to remain angry and not forgive them. Why do we feel that people have wronged us? It is exactly because we have had expectations out of them which they did not fulfill. We don't accept that everyone is different and can't be molded as per our wishes.
So basically happiness lies in the process of loving and not reciprocation. But to love without expectation a person has to be strong and wise enough to know what to accept and what to get away from. I think the process starts with loving and accepting the way we are. There's another thing which I feel grows with loving without expectations and that is detachment. Detachment takes away the need to be accepted or loved and can be a source of real fulfillment and happiness.
I don't think that I have reached that stage where I expect love to be selfless or my love can be without expectation. I still am trying to love my own self without conditions. Boy, that can be hard. But I am getting there. Some days I absolutely love myself and some days I am critical and want to be a certain way and wouldn't think twice before I whip myself for certain things which didn't really fall in the periphery of the net of expectations that I had set for myself. I still have to love myself unconditionally to find out if I can love others unconditionally.
One gentleman recently told me to be moderate in my giving/loving approach. I think that it is right. The best way is to be moderate in everything. However, I have noticed in my own case the more you let go, the more things become better. So basic agenda for me would be to love myself and others unconditionally.
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